Certified Yapper

I have an old skating shirt at home that says “clothing is your armour”. I really like this shirt, it’s a simple design and color but I feel the slogan everytime I wear it.

Clothing has always been a contentious issue for me. As the youngest child in a family of 5, my clothing options were often limited to whatever my older brothers had grown out of. Most of the time, I hated my options. Worn out Khaki shorts, obscure graphic tees, loose-fitting pants, or clothing that just made me feel “not cool”.

Clothing shopping as a kid always felt like pulling teeth. My mom hated taking me and I hated going. Most of the time, shopping was folded into extra errands like grocery shopping and other boring things. By the time we would get to Kohl’s or Marshalls or Ross, I just wanted to go home. Bright fluorescent lights, people everywhere, too much noise… an overstimulation nightmare. Add unnecessary stress from mother to make a decision and just pick something so we could leave and you have yourself an overstimulation nightmare.

All of that to say, most of the time even when I got to pick my own clothing, I was too stressed or rushed to make a decision. And then most of the time the clothing I wanted was not in the budget so compromises would have to be made. This whole process lead to me dreading shopping for clothing and dressing myself always felt disappointing.

It wasn’t until high school when I was able to start dressing a little more like how I envisioned myself. A little bit at a time. I started to visit thrift stores and put my own fits together that felt “cool”. I started to meet people who I thought really had style. This was the Supreme/Hypebeast era so everyone was repping underground brands thats only value was derived by scarcity. I tried my best to keep up but when one t-shirt from supreme retails at $108, it becomes pretty unreasonable from the jump.

Around this time, I started to get into screen printing. It was such a novel concept to me. The idea that I could just out print out a design that I wanted, burn it into a screen, and then print it on some clothing just completely undermined the scarcity and exclusivity that the street wear movement had built. I started to realize at this time that I could finally make clothing that I felt confident and “cool” in. Even though I was limited to one design and one color, It opened up a whole new world of opportunities and ideas.

I dove into screen printing headfirst, trying to learn and expand my skills. I gained enough confidence that I felt I could handle making all the t-shirts for my schools prom candidates. This was a major undertaking resulting in catastrophic failure. I bit off way more than I could chew and ended up making promises I couldn’t keep. My equipment started breaking, my processes were falling apart, and my confidence fell as a result. I ended up swearing to not screen print again and hung up my smock. I didn’t attempt printing again for another 4 years.

After high school, I finally had enough money to buy clothing from places other than thrift stores, but most of the time the thrift shop is still where I shop. Getting to college made me realize there were truly levels to clothing and style. The small town hype beasts from high school were little fish in the water compared to what I was suddenly seeing. The school I went to attracted a fairly wealthy student body so as someone who is lower middle class suddenly mixing with upper middle class to upper class society, I felt completely back at square one. I had many mornings in college feeling at a complete loss for what kind of fit I’d wear that day, how would I be perceived that day, who was going to judge me or maybe compliment me if it was a good fit that day. I realized that my clothing is really my armour. I used to think that meant I had to constantly buy new clothes but that’s really not the case. A seasonal wardrobe refresh is enough to keep me happy and I think that’s the case for a lot of people.

Clothing as armour is more so about having confidence in your look and how your present yourself to others. For some people, the value of their clothing might lend more or less confidence but for me its all about how I feel about how I look.

my goal this year is to start making more clothes again and get more into sewing and such so I can modify my own clothes and make myself even more confident. If my internal and external confidence match, then I reach a self-actualizing equilibrium.

Fish Papi RX